Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It's a Wonderful Country: A City on a Hill

"...for we must Consider that we shall be as a City upon a Hill, the eyes of all people are upon us; so that if wee shall deale falsely with our god in this work we have undertaken and so cause him to withdraw his present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword through the world, we shall open the mouthe of enemies to speak evill of the ways of God and all professors for God's sake..."

Sermon by John Winthrop 1630

Sometime in the near future in a meeting between the US president and Premier of the Peoples Republic of China...

Just a minute - just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Premier. You're right when you say our forefathers were no businessmen. I know that. Why they ever started this cheap, penny-ante country, I'll never know. But neither you nor anyone else can say anything against their character, because their whole life was - why, two hundred twenty-five years ago when they and Uncle Sam started this thing, they never once thought of themselves. They didn't save enough money to keep a professional army, let alone a socialized medical system. But they did help a few people get out of your oppression, and what's wrong with that? Why - here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You - you said - what'd you say a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent government. Wait? Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken down that they... Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Premier, that this rabble you're talking about... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this world. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my forefathers didn't think so. People were human beings to them. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book George Washington died a much richer man than you'll ever be. 

A short time later....
President [yelling at Ben Bernanke] Where's that money, you silly stupid old fool? Where's that money? Do you realize what this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal and prison. That's what it means. One of us is going to jail - well, it's not gonna be me.

Chinese Premier [to our president] Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me "a warped, frustrated, old man!" What are you but a warped, frustrated young man? A miserable little clerk crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help. No securities, no stocks, no bonds. Nothin' but a miserable little $500 billion equity in a Universal Health Care system.
  You're worth more dead than alive!

A short time later at a Jobs Rally:

Man at Bar: Why do you drink so much? Please go home, Mr. President.
Mr. Clinton: [sitting right beside Obama] President? Which President?
  Bartender: This is Mr. Barak Obama.
[Mr. Clinton angrily pulls the president up to his face by the lapels with one hand and hits him in the face with a right hook, sending him to the floor]
Mr. Clinton: Next time you talk to my wife like that, you'll get worse! She cried for an hour! It's not enough she runs all over the world for you kowtowing to every two-bit socialist leader she can find,  you had to bawl her out!!

Meanwhile, in a Florida Studio, a famous talk show host preparing to leave the country, is visited by an angel:
Rush: I can hear out of both my ears. Look, who are you?
Clarence: I told you, Rush. I'm your guardian angel.
Rush: Yeah, yeah, I know. You told me that. What else are you? What...are you a hypnotist?
Clarence: No, of course not.
Rush: Well, then, why am I seeing all these strange things?
Clarence: Don't you understand, George, I mean Rush? It's because you were not born.
Rush: Then if I wasn't born, who am I?
Clarence: You're nobody. You have no identity.
Rush: What do you mean, no identity? My name's Rush Hudson Limbaugh.
Clarence: There is no Rush Limbaugh. You have no papers, no Radio show, no driver's license, no 4-F card, no insurance policy...They're not there, either.
George: What?
Clarence: You've been given a great gift, Rush. A chance to see what the world would be like without America, without the U.S. Constitution, without you.
To be continued....

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