Thursday, December 24, 2009

It's a Wonderful Country Part II: It Never Happened

1 Then the angel showed me Jeshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord. The Accuser, Satan,[f] was there at the angel’s right hand, making accusations against Jeshua. 2 And the Lord said to Satan, “I, the Lord, reject your accusations, Satan. Yes, the Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.” Zechariah 3:1

Clarence, and Rush Limbaugh sitting in Angel Airlines, Second Class, bound for Missouri:

Rush: Why doesn't anyone recognize me? and why am I sitting in coach, where's my airplane?
Clarence: You've been given a great gift, Rush: A chance to see what the world would be like without you.
Rush: You mean before I got into radio?
Clarence: No I mean before you were born.
Announcement over intercom: Attention Ladies and Gentlemen, Transgenders, Transvestites, Crossdressers and Genderneutrals, we are beginning our decent into Cape Girardeau airport at this time. In preparation for landing please place your trays in their upright and locked position or risk public ridicule and scorn. Also please fasten your full-body safety harness and helmet chin strap according to the directions on the card in the seat pocket in from of you as required by the waiver you signed at the beginning of the flight.
Rush: What was that? harness and chinstraps? This is ridiculous! 
Clarence: It's the FAA rules. You weren't there to fight liberals so they passed extra regulations to make airlines "safer.

  Outside Rush's Cape Girardeau boyhood home...

Rush: What's with the rainbow flag? Hey Mister, ain't this the United States? You can't fly that goofy looking flag. This is Missouri. You'll get beaten up.
House owner: You mean The Progressive States of America. Don't you think I know where I live? What's the matter with you?
[He proceeds toward his house. Rush is completely bewildered]
Rush: Oh, I don't know. Either I'm off my nut, or he is...
[to Clarence] ... or you are!
Clarence: It isn't me! You see Rush, you weren't there to rally true Americans so the liberals forced their will on everyone in the name of Political correctness and universal understanding.

Rush: I need a drink.

Clarence: hey bartender, do you got any lite beer?
Nick: Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?
Rush: he's okay, he's with me Nick. How are those Chiefs doing this year?
Nick: Look buddy, why do you keep calling me Nick as if you know me? And my team hasn't been called the Chiefs since 1990 when they became the Prairie Chickens. And they haven't won since.
Rush: Chickens? Why didn't they just name them the Weanie Liberal Sissy Girls?
Nick: [slamming a bottle on the bar] That's it. Out you two pixies go - through the door, or out the window.

[Rush has discovered George Bush's library, a small shack outside Dallas]

Clarence: [explaining] George W. Bush, never made it out of the primaries. You never revitalized Conservatism, so he never was elected. There was no War on Terror. 
Rush: That's a lie! George Bush went to war - he defeated Saddam Huissen, he defended America from Terrorist Sleeper Cells.
Clarence: Everyone in the World Trade Center died and thousands more in hundreds of other attacks! George wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save George.

Clarence: You see Rush, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away and run off to New Zealand?

to be continued...

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