Friday, December 25, 2009

It's a Wonderful Country Part III: Every Time. . .

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
Ronald Reagan

As Rush and Clarence land back to Missouri (Angel Airlines, Second Class), snow begins falling outside the window.
Rush: Hey Clarence, its still Christmas, right? I love this time of year! How about some Manheim Steamroller?
Clarence: Uh, Rush, I'm sorry but there is no Manheim Steamroller.
Rush: No Manheim Steamroller? What?
Clarence: No Rush, Chip Davis became discouraged when Fresh Aire was only played on Public Radio and the FCC made it impossible to start new record labels. The big record labels stopped producing Christmas albums when Christmas became politically incorrect in the late 80s. Chip Davis never produced a Christmas album because you weren't there to stop them. Chip Davis never became popular because you weren't there to play his music on your show. So you see, Rush, your life is important.
Rush: Where is he Clarence. Where is Chip now?
Clarence: You won't like it Rush. He's probably just closing up at the ad agency now.
[as Rush jumps up and heads for the door of the airplane
He never accomplished his dreams Rush! He writes jingles! And works part time as a lounge singer!
In a Cocktail Lounge somewhere in Ohio...
Chip Davis (a little off key) fly me to the moon, and let me...
Rush: Chip Davis, Chip is that you? Remember, its me, Rush Limbaugh! I lassoed the moon for you old pal!
Chip: Ahhh! [he runs from his piano out the backstage door.]
Bouncer:Hey you, what you doin scaring my singer! [he punches Rush]
Clarence: We better get out of here Rush, you don't want to get arrested again.
Clarence: Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?

[Rush returns to the bridge where his nightmare began, hoping to bring back his old life]
Rush Limbaugh: [praying] Clarence! Clarence! Help me, Clarence! Get me back! Get me back, I don't care what happens to me! Get me back to my life! Help me Clarence, please! Please! I wanna live again. I wanna live again. Please, God, let me live again.
[it begins to snow again]
Bo Snerdley: [shouts] Hey, Rush! Rush! You all right? Hey, what's the matter?
Rush: Now get outta here, Bo, or I'll hit you again! Get outta here!
Bo: What the Sam Hill you yellin' for, Rush? Larry King punk you for a no-show again?
Rush: You...
[suddenly stunned]
... Bo? Do you know me?
Bo: Know you? Huh. You kiddin'? I've been looking all over town trying to find you. I saw your car plowed into that tree down there and I thought maybe you - hey, your mouth's bleeding. Are you sure you're all right?
Rush: What the...
[licks the corner of his lip and checks his mouth with his hand]
 Ha, ha, ha, ha! My mouth's bleeding, Bo! My mouth's bleeding! Zuzu's petals... Zuzu...
George Bailey: [checking his pocket] There they are! Bert, what do you know about that! Merry Christmas!

Rush: As he runs past the Washington Capital building Merry Christmas, Mr. Senator! Merry Christmas Madam Chairman!
Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi: And Happy New Year, In Jail! With the new Fairness Doctrine and Tax laws, you'll be out of a job. They're At Network Right Now! 

Later, at the annual Rush Limbaugh Christmas Party:

Bo: Just a minute! Quiet everybody! Quiet, quiet. Now get this, it's from Toronto.
Ma Limbaugh: Oh!
Bo: [Reading the telegram in his hand] Bo cabled you need tax shelters, stop. My offshore accountant instructed to shelter you up to twenty-five million dollars, stop. Hee Haw and Merry Christmas! Mark Steyn.

Chip Davis: A toast to my big friend Rush: The richest man in America!

Zuzu Limbaugh: Look, Uncle Rush. Teacher says, every time a cell phone rings, an angel helps a struggling businessman turn a profit.
Rush: That's right, that's right. Attaboy, Clarence.
 He notices a book under the tree. It is a copy of  How to win Friends and Influence People. Inside is a note:
Clarence: [In book inscription] Remember, George: no man is a failure who has a million dollars, is doing what he loves, and has friends.

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